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Author Topic: Collection - Some funny stories in English! (Read 10933 times)
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« on: June 03, 2009, 08:58:20 pm »

Hey guys, this topic is where we relax our mind, prevent from stress, and i hope all you'll have laugh-out-loud time when you join ;)

Share more with me pls :x thanks ;)

An opportunity =))

There are a lot of different kinds of Christian groups in the world, and one of them decided that they would adopt the motto: "There are no problems, There are only opportunities. People think too much about dificulities which prevent them from doing good deeds", they said, "and not enough about things that help them to do then". :->
Once this group was having a big conference in a hotel, when one of the members came up to the cofnerence inquiries desk and to the girl behind it, "Excuse me, mis, but I have a problem!" :|
The girl pointed to the motto, and said to the man,"No, sir, you haven't got a problem. You only have an opportunity" ;)
The man smiled patiently at her :-w and answered: "Well, you can call it whatever you like, but there's a young woman in the room I was given when I arrived 20' ago". B-)

=)) No comment! =))

The bomb and the pilot
3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window. The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. When they landed they met a man crying. When asked why he was crying, he replied, "Because I got hit in the head with a glass bottle. They met a woman who was crying for the same reason. Then the met a man laughing. They asked him why he was laughing and he replied, "Because I walked by a building and farted. Then the building blew up. =))

Post Merge: June 04, 2009, 08:37:50 am
Fishing and Whiskey

One Saturday morning,Glen decided to go fishing.
He sat there for hours,but nothing.The bottle whiskey that he've took with him,was also empty.He throw the empty bottle into pieces against a nearby rock.

All of a sudden,there was something on the hook.He pulled the fish out of the water.The only fish for the day so far.The fish was so small,Glen decided to throw it back.

The little fish was so exited,to such an extend,that it decided to give Glen one wish.

He asked the little fish for some more whiskey.The fish said,"Allright then,when you're urinating,it will be pure whiskey."

So Glen sat there,and wonder,can this really be ? Glen took a glass and urinate in it.It was pure,pure whiskey.

A while later,a women,who was standing nearby,comes to him and asks,"sir are you allright ? I saw you drinking your own piss" ;)) ."no",said Glen,"it's whiskey."

The women laughed.He urinate into the glass,and gave it to her.She could'nt believe it.

So they sat there almost for the rest of the day, drinking whiskey.

After about the seventh double,she asks Glen for another one.He looked her in the eye,throw the glass into pieces against the rock and said "What about drinking out of the bottle ?" ;))

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« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2009, 08:22:33 pm »

More funny stories for you all:

Woman's tear
Three husbands met each other.
The first one who was a soldier said:
- Woman's tear is a classic weapon but very dangerous.
The second one who was a weatherforcaster said:
- Woman's tear is a light shower but it can become a flood that can dip many person's dead.
The third one who was a chemist said:
- Woman's tear is a special chemical that can ruin steely hearts.

Last time
- Have you read the Bible yet?
- Yes, I have. Why do you ask me this?
- Do you know, when God pulled out Adam's rib to make Eve, the first woman, what did God say?
- God said: "This is the last time when you can sleep peacefully!!"

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« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2009, 10:39:37 am »

A woman was having some trouble with her heart, so she went to see the doctor.He was a new doctor, and did not know her ,so he first asked some questions , and one of them was ,"How old are you ?"
"well," she answered , "I dont remember ,doctor , but I will try to think" She though for a minute and then said , "Yes ,I remember now ,doctor ! When I married , I was eighteen years old ,and my husband was thirty.Now my husband is sixty,I know ; and that is twice thirty .So I am twice eighteen .That is thirty-six, isn't it?

Post Merge: July 28, 2009, 08:58:54 pm
One morning Nasreddin left his house with six donkeys to go to the market. After a time, he got tired and got on to one of them. He counted the donkeys, and there were only five, so he got off and went to look for the sixth. He looked and looked but did not find it, so he went back to the donkeys and counted them again. This time there were six, so he got on to one of them again and they all stated.
After a few minutes he counted the donkeys again, and again there were only five! While he was counting again a friend of his passed, and Nasreddin said to him,' I left my house with six donkeys; then I had five; then I had six again; and now I have only five!Look! One,two,three,four,five.
'But, Nasreddin,' his friend said, 'you are sitting on a donkey too! That is the sixth! And you are the seventh!'

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« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2009, 04:49:07 pm »

first, i am sorry because this story is not 100% E.
Mẹ đang nấu cơm dưới bếp, bỗng nghe hai thằng con hét lớn trên nhà.

- Tao-móc-dao.

- Tui-đây.

- Giết-tui-đi.

Mẹ hoảng hốt chạy lên, chỉ thấy hai con đang học bài.

- Chúng mày cải nhau cái gì vậy?

- Chúng con học anh văn với nhau mà. Tao-móc-dao (tomorrow) là ngày mai; tui-đây (today) là hôm nay; giết-tui-đi (yesterday) là hôm qua.

- Tiếng Anh trẻ con mà ghê như thế, hèn gì thằng Mỹ có bơm nguyên tử
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